Everyone has goals they want to achieve, but getting it done when it’s the kind that takes time is pretty hard to keep track of…
Before I was pregnant back in 2005, I was skinny, weighing only 103. It wasn’t an unhealthy kind of skinny..i was always active, playing tennis and wanting to be in plays but too damn shy to go for it…out goofing around with my friends and cousins….the fun stuff basically. I was born in 1982, so I didn’t have video games and computers to sit at home and mess around with…My parents would kick us kids out the house and make us go make friends and play whatever games or dolls or whatever….I don’t regret that..because those were the best times. Let alone, i was always getting hurt so yeah..I’ve got a lil tomboy in me. but my dad raised me to where i shouldn’t cry when i get hurt..only get back up and try again…but it was hard to get back up on days i literally injured my knees…hahahhaa… i liked to carry stuff in my hands from my friend’s house, hop on the bike and try to jump the curbs. didn’t work out so well. One time, i landed in the middle of the street with my bike on top of me. lol. LOSERRRRRRRR! i bet my mom tried to not laugh at me..i know my brother and sister were probably mind boggled on what happened…but laughing hard as hell on the inside..hahahaha
but after my pregnancy, i had a stillborn… c section was required or both me and the baby wouldn’t survive..but most of all..they didn’t want me to push. it felt weird…but i think i was pushing anyways..felt like i had a watermelon coming out of me. anyways..the baby was a girl… we named her Arianna Katrina Alvarez. She was beautiful. My mom always told us kids when we were little,” When God needs an angel sometimes the people we want to stay can’t stay because God needs them the most to help protect our heavens and keep us safe…And when we pass on..when it’s our time, we will see them again.” I was depressed….and I sometimes think i still have post partum depression. But I do my best to not think about things relating to it. because i had a c-section, the doctors stapled me up. I had to wait 6 weeks before I could do anything..so i was pretty much feeling like i was on bed rest….but being in bed all the time for 6 weeks sucked. But once I got them removed…and got my check up done….the minute the nurse said” well there’s good news’ i finished it off for her… “YESSSSSSS I CAN GO EXERCISEEEEEEEEEE……I CAN’T WAIT TO DO EVERYTHING..YAYYYYYYY!” yeah… exercise didn’t last too long..supposively the treadmill was messed up and smoking. so I gained a lot of weight. Back in april of this year…. 2009, i weighed 163lbs. I am currently at 150, but it’s flunctuating when i eat vs i don’t eat. the lowest i’ve reached was 149lbs..but that went away later that night after I clocked out of work to watch julie and julia… THAT MOVIE MADE ME HUNGRY!!!
My goal for now is to reach 140 lbs. i have a month to get there..but a month and a half max to reach that goal and accomplish it. I’m going to try to cut down on the amounts of sugar I take but slowly. When I first started out where I worked, I drank more water…But lately the water has been giving me stomach problems. so I won’t drink it….instead i reach over for that soda..but I drink little cups when working..and big cups when i’m off the clock. 
yeah i know…way too much soda.
One thing I am curious about is…. with juices because they have so much sugar….would it be a little more healthier to drink if i added a lot of ice and some water to it..to water it down some? I hope so…my mom says if i want to drink juice..to drink the minute maid light…. *sighs* I love salads so maybe I should eat more salads…eat before i leave to work so i don’t eat restaurant food, get 8 hours of sleep and quit staying up so friggin late…and I’m not sure on exercise. Work…i consider it exercise because I am a food runner. I told myself I would not quit working at a restaurant until I get to my designated weight loss goal. it’s probably not a good excuse..but work is also an unexpected pace system too… we never know when we are going to be busy…but when we have our small to large rush…it’s slow to steady….to slow..to fast..kind of like a treadmill walking program. then we also have to duck low enough to where we are not blocking people..I try to suck in my belly as much as i can, and stand up straight while holding the food trays…But this is so hard…I’m not sure what to do now…but I need a new system or idea on losing the weight..10 lbs each time after i reach that goal. So I guess I am going to give myself until next summer to reach 105 or 103lbs just so i can fit my b4 clothes again.
I really want to lose this weight because I’m tired of being called fat..and I now know what it feels like to be in those shoes. But the only thing I’ve never experienced until now..is what it’s like for your significant other’s mom to be so ashamed of someone who’s overweight (when she herself is too) and say when someone asks who I am,” oh she’s no one…she’s just the maid but she never does anything. she just sits in my older son’s room on the computer when there’s stuff to be cleaned.” or ” well she used to be pretty but we don’t know what happened to her…” or the worst ” I hope our son finds a nice american girl one who will stay skinny and not gain weight after having kids. because the chinese girls are not pretty after they have kids.” it gets more harsh…but people say i should ignore what she says…it’s hard to ignore stuff like this…but I am trying.
One thing I am proud of is, i’m glad I didn’t reach over 200 lbs. And I am more happy because i went from 163 to 150. I hope I can continue this weightloss and hope I reach my goal of weighing that 103 or 105 lbs by the time spring or summer time comes around for next year. wish me luck.
