SexyCoLdHrTdAzN

Pre-Labor Day:

sexycoldhrtdazn69 — Sun, 06 Sep 2009 09:06:33 +0000

Well, its probably been a week or two since I last wrote on here. I’ve been really busy with work. They’ve been scheduling me to work 5 days a week. I have officially worked 5 days this week. Tomorrow I was scheduled to work at 3pm but I had to give it away because I didn’t know if I would have a ride or not, but I also didn’t want to wait last minute for a response from someone if I would have a ride or not….. So to save myself the stress and getting into trouble I passed my labor day off to someone who does have a ride. Unfortunately I’m still awaiting for my boyfriend to get his car, just so I can have mine back.

Hopefully today won’t be so bad. Yet I hope it’s not busy either.

Well, I must be going now it’s pretty late and i have to force myself to sleep. I took a nap at the wrong time yesterday…and i couldn’t go to sleep when i wanted to because I was so hyped up with energy. hopefully my 2 day weekend balances out.

Interesting day today….

sexycoldhrtdazn69 — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 02:42:02 +0000

Well, today was an interesting day. I didn’t sleep until 6am today, but I woke up at 2:20pm. After waking up I didn’t really do anything. Except for counting down the time of when I’ll receive my paycheck. I am, however, anxious for friday to come because that will be the day I go to get my new haircut. I may or may not get highlights.

I received my work schedule and shockingly enough, I get to work 5 days. yayyyyyy..more money for meeeee….but I won’t be suprised as to how many “can i have one of your days” I will get when I step into the doors. hahaha..my curiosity is going to kill many cats..j/k.

well, i’ve been bored too..and i’m just now getting sleepy.

much more later….

oh, and we are getting 3 new movies this week..can’t wait to see em as I wait for my ride to pick me up from work

Monday, August 31, 2009: Dream Log #2

sexycoldhrtdazn69 — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 22:52:48 +0000

I had 2 dreams. My first dream was about being at work. I remember that I had to help my manager with straightening out his tickets. *could be a sign that I might become a server soon..maybe* and that the day was so frustrating and confusing for all the servers …that people were quitting left and right because the customers were not getting the right tickets and that the table numbers were all switched around.

then I woke up to the sound of my alarm clock. I literally had to take a few minutes to gather my mind together to find out if i was suppose to be at work early today and what day it was. crazy…

dream #2:

After I gathered myself together…I watched a little bit of tv. but got bored as heck because nothing was on tv. why? because all the kiddies are back in school..they figured,” hey..lets put some boring stuff on tv..so that way kids don’t want to stay home..just go straight to school.” haha…j/k

right before I went to sleep…i put on my eye gel mask and found my comfy spot. and was knocked out. i was asleep with my eye gel mask on. room door is locked..it’s quiet….my boyfriends’ dad is outside fixing his truck..so i’m pretty much the only one in the house…I dreamed about being at work again..but dreamed that I had to run all the food and drinks cuz food runners were quitting cuz the customers were chewing everyone out..managers servers food runners..gm…u name it…even themselves…well against one another…

anyways..when i woke up i found that my white blanket was folded neatly at the edge of the bed..with my eye gel mask on top. I woke up confused as shit. Now that i think about it..the only person who folds the blanket like that..is my grandpa..but it’s not him…because he passed away. my mom sometimes gets the same thing..but we don’t live in the same house anymore b/c i got kicked out a few years ago..but when i was living there…she would tell me some things..and..with the descriptions of what she remembered that happened… always matched to what grandpa did when he was alive. but my brother sister and i… we are closer to our dad’s parents… grandma and grandpa..we aren’t close to my mom’s side…growing up it was my dad’s parents who always helped watch us kids…i’m beginning to wonder….did my grandpa come to visit me? if so…. how come he didn’t leave me instructions on how to make this lil box out of paper…it was kewl. we used to make it alot b4 dinner time. because he’s not around anymore..only in heaven….i forgot how to make em. lately i’ve been trying to figure out how..but it’s hard….and so i would think about him…*sighs* i wonder if grandpa came to visit me… >=( did he even give me a hug while i was sleep…i hope so… i miss him a lot.

:( awww…..i’m so depressed

sexycoldhrtdazn69 — Sat, 29 Aug 2009 03:25:56 +0000

I just found out my dog passed away. I had him since i was in 8th grade. that was back in 1996 i believe. I got him little bit after my best friend shannon’s birthday. He almost made it another full year. He was old though..he had lost his hearing so he couldn’t hear…but he always wanted to wait for me by the backyard door…maybe he was depressed too because I got older. I’m so sad. He was like a baby to me. actually all my dogs are my babies. i dun care how people view it..or what my bf’s parents think..but my dogs are my best friends. and i love em alot like as if they were real people. i’m so sad my dog passed on. but at least i know he will be in doggie heaven.

and the best thing…..his name was opie like on the andy griffith show..and he was just like an opie too. i’m going to miss him alot…:( i know my sister is probably like,” awwwww yayyyy now i can have another dog.” but… that opie was my baby. gtg night…

August 27, 2009: Dream Log 1

sexycoldhrtdazn69 — Fri, 28 Aug 2009 09:02:41 +0000

I have always wondered why we dream…and what they mean. It’s even more confusing when I have dream over something that just does not make sense. Like the one I had last night. From time to time i’ll have a dream about being in the bathroom but never really actually understood why in the world would someone want to dream about going to the bathroom.

Last night, I dreamed that was extremely weird. when my cuzns, sister and brother were outside it was a really huge backyard… only the shrubs were like a fence for our home. but the home was not a mansion. I don’t remember what kind of home it was. but the bathroom was my bathroom..well my boyfriend’s bathroom. so after painting on the easel i said,” i’ll be right back i have to go to the bathroom.” so they were like,” ok.” so i left entering the bathroom, i slammed the door shut. and my mind was like,” phewwwwwww…i can finally get away from them…i have to pee really bad….” but i couldn’t. in my dreaming mind i thought just like as if i were awake… ” no wait..i dunno if i’m dreaming or not. i better hold it.” so i held it for a little bit. after holding it i thought,” well there’s one way to find out but i don’t want to risk it. i think i’m dreaming……*pause* fuck it.” and just went. after i went, i thought,” no i can’t do this..i have to stop…” and held the end of my pee. soon enough my bladder started to hurt. and i let it all out because i didn’t want to hurt anymore. weird part…actually felt nice..hahahaha…but the good thing is..i didn’t actually pee on the bed.

so after the alarm went off..i woke up..and hit the snooze button. i tried to go to sleep..but something was bugging me. what was bugging me..was….. i still didn’t know if i was awake or sleeping still..but i got up and went to the restroom. sitting there on the toilet i still felt i was dreaming…and the same thing like my dream… i was holding it for a bit..then finally actually went. and yes…my bladder did hurt…. hahaha..
ok. that’s enough talk about bathroom dreams…gotta go to sleep..goodnight…

MICHAEL JACKSON DEAD OR ALIVE?

sexycoldhrtdazn69 — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 22:35:51 +0000

Well, today’s news was about Michael Jackson being dead or alive? And, a lot of people are wondering if it’s a hoax or if he really did fool us. But here’s a question I just thought of…. Would Michael Jackson do this so people will leave him in peace? Well, it’s hard to tell. After all, he is the King of Pop. Growing up listening, I enjoyed his old songs. And would always sing and do my happy dance. But, after hearing on the news that something had happened to him…mad me sad.

After reviewing videos on the internet and hearing on the news about this specific topic…i really wonder what is going on… but if he has passed on….I honestly think he should be left in peace and be remembered as the King of Pop that he is….

Summer is over….

sexycoldhrtdazn69 — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 03:33:27 +0000

Well, today was the last day for me to enjoy my long hours. I’m hoping that even though my hours have not changed, that i still continue to get the hours i need to make it, when it comes to paying the bills. A lot of people are quitting and returning to school, so maybe there might be hours for me to pick up. I’m still hoping that business still picks up….but it’s also not the end of the world just yet.

These last few days I have been extremely busy with work. I still have 2 more days of work to complete before my next paycheck. So far, I have 40.9 hours of work…hopefully i make it to 50. my record of highest hours made is 53 hours. and this one is going to be the closest i get to that record.

As far as goal in weight loss, i’m going to try and figure something out after i see what my schedule is for next week..then i should be able to have a basic idea of something to plan on things to do til it picks up. i hope everyone has a good day on their first day back to school.

Well that concludes everything for now….lata…………

Weight Loss Tracking Sheet:

sexycoldhrtdazn69 — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 06:18:30 +0000

Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Current Weight: 151 Lbs.
Goal Weight: 140 Lbs.
How much more to lose: 11 Lbs
Start date: August 18, 2009
End date: September 18, 2009

Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Current Weight:
Goal Weight:
How much more to lose:
Start date: August 18, 2009
End date: September 18, 2009
Accomplished: Yes or No?

My Goal of Weightloss…..

sexycoldhrtdazn69 — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 05:41:26 +0000

Everyone has goals they want to achieve, but getting it done when it’s the kind that takes time is pretty hard to keep track of…

Before I was pregnant back in 2005, I was skinny, weighing only 103. It wasn’t an unhealthy kind of skinny..i was always active, playing tennis and wanting to be in plays but too damn shy to go for it…out goofing around with my friends and cousins….the fun stuff basically. I was born in 1982, so I didn’t have video games and computers to sit at home and mess around with…My parents would kick us kids out the house and make us go make friends and play whatever games or dolls or whatever….I don’t regret that..because those were the best times. Let alone, i was always getting hurt so yeah..I’ve got a lil tomboy in me. but my dad raised me to where i shouldn’t cry when i get hurt..only get back up and try again…but it was hard to get back up on days i literally injured my knees…hahahhaa… i liked to carry stuff in my hands from my friend’s house, hop on the bike and try to jump the curbs. didn’t work out so well. One time, i landed in the middle of the street with my bike on top of me. lol. LOSERRRRRRRR! i bet my mom tried to not laugh at me..i know my brother and sister were probably mind boggled on what happened…but laughing hard as hell on the inside..hahahaha

but after my pregnancy, i had a stillborn… c section was required or both me and the baby wouldn’t survive..but most of all..they didn’t want me to push. it felt weird…but i think i was pushing anyways..felt like i had a watermelon coming out of me. anyways..the baby was a girl… we named her Arianna Katrina Alvarez. She was beautiful. My mom always told us kids when we were little,” When God needs an angel sometimes the people we want to stay can’t stay because God needs them the most to help protect our heavens and keep us safe…And when we pass on..when it’s our time, we will see them again.” I was depressed….and I sometimes think i still have post partum depression. But I do my best to not think about things relating to it. because i had a c-section, the doctors stapled me up. I had to wait 6 weeks before I could do anything..so i was pretty much feeling like i was on bed rest….but being in bed all the time for 6 weeks sucked. But once I got them removed…and got my check up done….the minute the nurse said” well there’s good news’ i finished it off for her… “YESSSSSSS I CAN GO EXERCISEEEEEEEEEE……I CAN’T WAIT TO DO EVERYTHING..YAYYYYYYY!” yeah… exercise didn’t last too long..supposively the treadmill was messed up and smoking. so I gained a lot of weight. Back in april of this year…. 2009, i weighed 163lbs. I am currently at 150, but it’s flunctuating when i eat vs i don’t eat. the lowest i’ve reached was 149lbs..but that went away later that night after I clocked out of work to watch julie and julia… THAT MOVIE MADE ME HUNGRY!!!

My goal for now is to reach 140 lbs. i have a month to get there..but a month and a half max to reach that goal and accomplish it. I’m going to try to cut down on the amounts of sugar I take but slowly. When I first started out where I worked, I drank more water…But lately the water has been giving me stomach problems. so I won’t drink it….instead i reach over for that soda..but I drink little cups when working..and big cups when i’m off the clock. yeah i know…way too much soda.

One thing I am curious about is…. with juices because they have so much sugar….would it be a little more healthier to drink if i added a lot of ice and some water to it..to water it down some? I hope so…my mom says if i want to drink juice..to drink the minute maid light…. *sighs* I love salads so maybe I should eat more salads…eat before i leave to work so i don’t eat restaurant food, get 8 hours of sleep and quit staying up so friggin late…and I’m not sure on exercise. Work…i consider it exercise because I am a food runner. I told myself I would not quit working at a restaurant until I get to my designated weight loss goal. it’s probably not a good excuse..but work is also an unexpected pace system too… we never know when we are going to be busy…but when we have our small to large rush…it’s slow to steady….to slow..to fast..kind of like a treadmill walking program. then we also have to duck low enough to where we are not blocking people..I try to suck in my belly as much as i can, and stand up straight while holding the food trays…But this is so hard…I’m not sure what to do now…but I need a new system or idea on losing the weight..10 lbs each time after i reach that goal. So I guess I am going to give myself until next summer to reach 105 or 103lbs just so i can fit my b4 clothes again.

I really want to lose this weight because I’m tired of being called fat..and I now know what it feels like to be in those shoes. But the only thing I’ve never experienced until now..is what it’s like for your significant other’s mom to be so ashamed of someone who’s overweight (when she herself is too) and say when someone asks who I am,” oh she’s no one…she’s just the maid but she never does anything. she just sits in my older son’s room on the computer when there’s stuff to be cleaned.” or ” well she used to be pretty but we don’t know what happened to her…” or the worst ” I hope our son finds a nice american girl one who will stay skinny and not gain weight after having kids. because the chinese girls are not pretty after they have kids.” it gets more harsh…but people say i should ignore what she says…it’s hard to ignore stuff like this…but I am trying.

One thing I am proud of is, i’m glad I didn’t reach over 200 lbs. And I am more happy because i went from 163 to 150. I hope I can continue this weightloss and hope I reach my goal of weighing that 103 or 105 lbs by the time spring or summer time comes around for next year. wish me luck.

:( definitely not expecting….

sexycoldhrtdazn69 — Sat, 15 Aug 2009 02:28:50 +0000

Well, yesterday after work, i tried to go to sleep when i got home. It didn’t work out too well, because i was having a hard time falling asleep. but i usually don’t sleep well when i have to wake up early for a big day or unexpected day. But, when i did fall asleep………. it was definitely something i wasn’t expecting…

What did I dream about? *here I go*

I had a dream I was at my parents house…chilling with my brother and sister…but it was more of like a slumber party gossip time…i spent a few minutes talking to my sister then the next few minutes talking to my brother. after that, my sister had asked me if i was pregnant. i told her to promise not to tell. then she told my mom…then my mom asked if it was true…my stomach was slowly getting bigger…then my brother had asked if it was true..i said,” no..” and my stomach got a lot bigger..then he said,” are u sure?” i said,” yeah..why?” and he goes,” what’s wrong with your stomach? why do have a lump on ur stomach too? why’s your stomach so hard?” and i was said,” what the hell?” and saw that i was pregnant…and my belly button…was a humongous outtie…but it looked so swollen..like a giant mosquito bit the hell out of my stomach. after freaking out, i went into labor. but the alarm woke me up…

I definitely was not expecting that kind of dream. after all it was weird as hell…good thing it was just a dream, but i’ve been extremely paranoid about my belly button too..i’ve been checking it on and off.. hahahaha..ok..gtg…lata…